Kids Who Love School Stories Gifts

"Look, Emily. We have no chemistry. All we have is recess."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'A dog ate my homework.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

Criminal background checks on teachers? How come? To weed out child abusers. Ha! When you taught, you were routinely accused of severe abuse, mother. True. I inflicted the letters "C," "D" and "F" on many of my students. Wow! That's so outlawed.

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

"I forgot my homework, but there's a video of me doing it on youtube."

'Dad, the teacher said my grades remind her of old times. She says she was your teacher too.'

"We've unleashed your child's potential—this is as good as it's going to get."

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

'I do know the capital of France. It's the letter 'F'!'

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Rosewood Elementary E. Osgood Principal. I know you'll tell my parents about this, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell Santa.

"Sorry, Celesteville remains banned."

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

'And with a wave of her magic wand Albert's fondest wish became a reality'

'Before I begin today's lesson, please turn off your cell phones, beepers and ipods.'

Teacher to parents: 'Ah - you're right. What do I know about kids? My biological clock went coo-coo years ago.'

"He's in an H.M.O. Get some of the King's horses and a few of the King's men."

Man sees door sign at Podiatrist's office: 'This Little Piggy Went to Market'.

'My composition is 'parental discipline and what we can do about it'.'

'Mrs. Wingit, what's the secret to teaching middle school for 30 years?'

'Young man, I don't like the look of that emoticon on your face!'