Kids Safety Gifts

'Too steep, eh Earl?'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Man using to much bug spray

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'I don't see why I have to pick it up. I'm not responsible for the law of gravity.'

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

On the brink.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"