Children's Safety Gifts

Swingset too close to the fence.

Lollipop men on strike.

Playing in the park....child on a leash.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Man using to much bug spray

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Baby on board.

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

On the brink.

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'