Kid Chaos Conqueror Gifts

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

What My Day Feels Like

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Trays on desk read: In/Out/Lose in the Shuffle.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

IN OUT UP DOWN AND ALL AROUND

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

In Tray, Out Tray, and Shredded Paper Tray

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

"We need to channel his energy into something positive."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"So I bought this doohickey that is very good with chaos."

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

"Yeah, I keep a clean desk. Now all the mess is in the computer!"

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"My name is Van Gelsing, Madame. I'm an expert in cleaning teenagers' rooms. If you need me, just give me a call, okay?"

The inevitable conflict of interest facing every crisis manager.

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

Time Management Conultancy - Out, Out

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."