Kid Chaos Enthusiast Gifts

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

A child and his dog

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

'Twiiiiiiiiins!!!!'

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

A recurring crisis at the Farkinski farm

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"

"Well, could you give me a ballpark number?"

Feeding the baby

Tony's dog always brought him to his slippers.

'Why good dogs go bad.'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

Surprise

101 Poops - Dalmatian dog walker is in for a torrid time.

'This can't be good.'

"Dog house"