Children Chaos Fan Gifts

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'

Family with pets.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

I see the Boris moon arising. . .

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

RING! RING! RING!: 'Not the cell phone AGAIN!'

Cat attacks dog reading on a bench.

"Well, could you give me a ballpark number?"

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

'Cut that out! Every time you jump in our pool, we have to refill it!'

I've fallen and I refuse to get up! Medical Alert System for Toddlers.

'You'd better clear out some rooms, nurse. He jumped off a bridge, and all his friends are behind him.'

"One day, son, all this will be....Never mind."

"I knew it was a mistake to get Katie Price in for a book signing."

'Well, one of us has screwed up!'

"Leo and I know how much you like your Christmas sweater, so we thought we'd make you one ourselves this year."

'It's a leaf.'

'My room's in a terrible state, Mum's just cleaned it.'

Bad mannered dog embarrasses visiting nuns.