Kid Chaos Conqueror Pillows

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

What My Day Feels Like

'and on the Kids' Menu, we have Cranky Pants French Toast...'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Trays on desk read: In/Out/Lose in the Shuffle.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

IN OUT UP DOWN AND ALL AROUND

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

In Tray, Out Tray, and Shredded Paper Tray

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

"We need to channel his energy into something positive."

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

"So I bought this doohickey that is very good with chaos."

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

"Yeah, I keep a clean desk. Now all the mess is in the computer!"

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

The inevitable conflict of interest facing every crisis manager.

"My name is Van Gelsing, Madame. I'm an expert in cleaning teenagers' rooms. If you need me, just give me a call, okay?"

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'