Keeping Reptiles Pillows

'My keeper cares - I'm captive bred!'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Football Chameleon

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

'Play it again, Sam.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'Iguana know what time it is.'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

Crocodile

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Mom, there's good news and bad news. The good news is the cat won't be scratching up the furniture anymore. The bad news is... well, um...'

Danth battle?

The Monitor is going to sleep.

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Snake Eyes

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"I'm so glad we don't need a selfie stick."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'I keep thinking I'm David Icke...'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."