Keeping Reptiles T-Shirts

'My keeper cares - I'm captive bred!'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

Football Chameleon

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Annie, the Reptile version: 'The sun will come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! You will sun yourself tomorrow!'

'Play it again, Sam.'

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

Giant reptiles use building as a pinata.

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

Crocodile

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"I'm not a doctor, but I don't think the problem is with your bladder, Bob."

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

'Mom, there's good news and bad news. The good news is the cat won't be scratching up the furniture anymore. The bad news is... well, um...'

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Snake Eyes

Danth battle?

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

The Monitor is going to sleep.

"I'm so glad we don't need a selfie stick."

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'I keep thinking I'm David Icke...'