Keeper Of Complaints Gifts

'I said... oh, forget it!'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Complaints Desk

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"I said FETCH! Not KVETCH!"

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

Awkward customers.

'Of course I care, madam!'

Ryanair refunds

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

'Your security system works too well!'

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

Customer Service. I only handle complaints -- What you have is a beef?

"I invent things to complain about."