Karmic Comedian Pillows

Sock Puppet in Literature

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Inflation Is Up, Interest Rates Are Going Up. . . I'm Asking You To UP Your Donation.

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

Applause

We met online.

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

'Sharing the same skin-type is fine. But, as a basis for a stable marriage...'

Banana

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

And do you, Sue, believe this is the best you can do? / It was a simple ceremony. Perhaps a little too simple.

'Why do I have the felling that your parents don't trust me?'

"As long as we're renewing our vows anyway, I've come up with a few new ones."