Karmic Humorist Pillows

Health and Safety Accident

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"The Eggsorcist"

"I said slime."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

At the 2021 Religious Games

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

"It's just a tree."

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"How about a hand."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."