Romantic Comedian Pillows

'So, apparently, saying it with cactus is not the best way to tell your wife you love her!'

"I lied when I told you I shave my head."

"Will your client marry my client?"

I brought a little ice breaker.'

Woman asking if man loves her, and asking for a diamond, Man fishes around in pockets and pulls out a pack of cards

'Have you ever noticed how much your mole looks like a check engine light?'

'Why do I have the felling that your parents don't trust me?'

And do you, Sue, believe this is the best you can do? / It was a simple ceremony. Perhaps a little too simple.

"She's giving me the look that says no - but I know its yes."

'This will do, she never listens to me anyway!'

"It's a bit late to find out we're not in the same 'bubble'."

"Edna had promised Lloyd a lap dance for his birthday. Unfortunately it was at the same time her favorite talk show."

'I'd like to meet a girl--', 'Oh, a homophobe, eh?'

I thought I'd put in a couple of love affairs to brighten it up.

We met online.

'My wife needs a bra, but I don't know the size. . . That reminds me, she needs panties too.'

'I don't mind the odd bite from him - but LOVE bites?'

'How much would you take off for cash?'

'On the other hand, if you include my little dog, 'toughy', you just might have a deal.'

'You forgot our anniversary, but you remember his birthday?'

'I can't be your Valentine right now, but I'll put your name on a waiting list.'

'I'll marry you, but I'm not interested in a long-term relationship.'

'Check your inbox.'

"I always pick Mr. Wrong..."

'Unfortunately, very few people ever take a chicken out for a meal.'

'We have been together for 22 years. Not bad for a $5 personal ad.'

'Why can't you take a performance enhancing drug like other athletes?'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"How sweet. You did your horns in my name."

"Thanks for a lovely evening, fancy coming in for some nitrous oxide?"

"Your eyes are like limpid pools. Allergies hitting you pretty bad, huh?"

"So, tell me, how many guys have you slept with?"

"This is my new waterbed!"

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"Oh darling... you take me to the most wonderful places...!!"