Kale Haters Gifts

"I workout so I don't have to eat kale."

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'What are you eating now?'

'Needs more kale.'

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"We did it! Barbeque, bacon, cheese and just a twist of kale!"

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

'If I've calculated correctly, I have two more birthdays before I never have to mow the lawn again.'

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

How Kale Took Over the World

"My trick for enjoying kale? I put in blueberries, a banana, a scoop of vanilla ice cream and ice. Then I throw the kale in the trash and blend."

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

"Mr. Rod, we know what's happening...you're laying us all off."

'I want to eat healthy food, but it takes green to eat green.'

"Why, of course I like Kale. It's the color of money."

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

"I have fun-size kale bars for those using recyclable bags."

"I didn't smoke, drank in moderation, exercised, ate kale, and yet, here I am."

'The first dozen ingredients in this cereal are various sugars.'

Eric didn't know it yet, but he was about to fall in love with creamed kale.

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

"Hmmm, not sure I trust that kale."

Pink Slime Burger

"I saw this video where a half eater American looks exactly the same after being left out for 6 months."

"Speaking from experience, if I were you, I'd check that cake for a hidden pill."

'Ill have the salad. But could I have it made out of chocolate?'

Soda! So many useless calories! Oh? You're wondering why I'm still round if I don't drink the stuff? Well? I got fat the old-fashioned way. I eat too much.

How Kale Took Over the World

Coke Dealer

"I'm staying healthy during lock-down by increasing my consumption of kale. . .the 'K' is silent."

"I used to take photos of my meals, but once you've seen one salad..."

I asked a lady if she wanted to grab a kale smoothie with me. She totally ignored me. Of course she did. Very few ladies are interested in a guy who latches on to the latest fads. It suggests you've got a roving eye, and you'll leave her for someone new later on. Most women like a man who's "classic." Solid. Reliable. Unmoved by the ever-changing winds. That's why I eat nothing but nuts, berries and hippos. If it was good enough for the cavemen, it's good enough for me. I thought cavemen ate bro