Jury Deliberator Gifts

Citizens' Jury - 'The jury thinks you should get rid of Citizens' Juries.'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

Dialogue

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

"Now that's a win."

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

Wal-Mart Ruling

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"On the contrary, Bosworth, it's YOU who has lost all perspective."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

Oz Debating Society. You can't refute everything I say just by call it a "straw man" argument.

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'