Jurisprudence Gifts

Christopher Cooper Caricature

'Never put off what you can do today, there may be a law against it tomorrow.'

Clarence Thomas

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

Tragedy! When the feeling's gone and you can't go on.

'Cole Porter has the lyrics checked'

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"I'm stuck for the 'June-moon' rhyme in Serbo-Croatian."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'So he eats the odd secretary now and then. He's our top actuary and I intend to make him a partner.'

Muy mum rocks.

"Well, we've for the melody down now, but I'm still not sure about the part where it goes, '...and they call the wind Dorcas Schnickelbaum.'"

"Great moments in songwriting" "What if she had a little lamb?" "Maybe it follows her to school?" "Wouldn't that make the children laugh?" "Exactly."

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

McWit Legal College

Vasiliy Lebedev-Kumach

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'