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Rudyard Kipling

Rudyard Kipling

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

Ted often though back to those good old days when he was king of just the jungle.

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

Jungle Games

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

"Tarzan no want computer."

'...and cut the croc stories, I know you're just trying to make this dull trip exciting.'

tiger strangling snakes

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

Leopards do change their spots

'Ooga says we're descended from people!'

T-Rex of the Apes

'Don't worry, it's safe to come between us: He's not my kid...'

'Guess what, I got a job tallying bananas.'

'We don't eat just anyone, ya know. You should feel honored.'

"You'll have to cut back that climber now that it's pulled down the TV aerial!"

"Relax, that's only Tarzan's yell!"

"I just want to get back into the swing of things."

'Will it thrive on light from a TV?'

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

Reality Bites

'I'd love to help you guys, but I've got it pretty good here. I protect them and they throw me their sick and occasionally the odd jerk they want rid of.'

'Tarzan'

Rain forest: 'You are here - tomorrow you will be here'

Jungle dweller swings from outhouse with toilet paper stuck to his foot.

Jungle Olympics

"It's the Queen of the Jungle. She wants you to pick up some wildebeest on the way home."