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Rudyard Kipling

Rudyard Kipling

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

Ted often though back to those good old days when he was king of just the jungle.

Jungle Games

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

'...and cut the croc stories, I know you're just trying to make this dull trip exciting.'

tiger strangling snakes

'Ooga says we're descended from people!'

T-Rex of the Apes

Leopards do change their spots

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

'We don't eat just anyone, ya know. You should feel honored.'

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

'Don't worry, it's safe to come between us: He's not my kid...'

'Will it thrive on light from a TV?'

'Tarzan'

"You'll have to cut back that climber now that it's pulled down the TV aerial!"

"Relax, that's only Tarzan's yell!"

'Guess what, I got a job tallying bananas.'

'I'd love to help you guys, but I've got it pretty good here. I protect them and they throw me their sick and occasionally the odd jerk they want rid of.'

Reality Bites

"I just want to get back into the swing of things."

Rain forest: 'You are here - tomorrow you will be here'

Jungle Olympics

"It's the Queen of the Jungle. She wants you to pick up some wildebeest on the way home."

'Make up your mind. Do you want to be rescued or not?'