Jungle Book Enthusiast T-Shirts

Bear Necessities - "Cigarettes, beer and 400 rainbow trout."

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

Ted often though back to those good old days when he was king of just the jungle.

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

Jungle Games

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

"Tarzan no want computer."

"First I alienated the apes who'd raised me. Then there was a lot of turmoil with the colonials pulling out. Now Jane and me are semi-retired and I haven't swing through the trees in ages. Want a drink?"

Lion to safari man: 'I'm the king of the jungle and these are my official spokesmen.'

'...and cut the croc stories, I know you're just trying to make this dull trip exciting.'

tiger strangling snakes

T-Rex of the Apes

Rudyard Kipling

'Ooga says we're descended from people!'

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

Leopards do change their spots

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

'Don't worry, it's safe to come between us: He's not my kid...'

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

"I just want to get back into the swing of things."

"You'll have to cut back that climber now that it's pulled down the TV aerial!"

"Relax, that's only Tarzan's yell!"

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'We don't eat just anyone, ya know. You should feel honored.'

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

'Guess what, I got a job tallying bananas.'

Reality Bites

'I'd love to help you guys, but I've got it pretty good here. I protect them and they throw me their sick and occasionally the odd jerk they want rid of.'