Juggling Act Of Parenting Pillows

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'Having a family life and juggling two jobs? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?'

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

'It's all right, I'm just a little behind.'

The relay race

"Your daughter called—you promised to play phone tag with her today."

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

'Work, school, soccer, shopping, aside from the occassional girl's night out, today's Mom doesn't have time to sit picking ticks and fleas.'

Oops.

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'

"It was at this point that our wives left us."

"Amazing how having a six month old baby can motivate you to stay at the office for 16 hours a day!"

"I used to be a stay-at-home dad. It was great until I had kids."

'That's enough Rusty.'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

Working Moms

Man emerges from baby changing room, having changed his baby for a crate of beer.

Because Daddy loves you, Sweetie, he can always spare a minute and thirty seconds.

'For me, this is actually an improvement; my wife is home with our octuplets.'

"Now that Ella's turning two, I'd like to transition to being a stay-at-work mom."

"They can't see you right now - would you like a bottle while you're waiting?"

'It's a model to study stress...these mice all have long commutes, dead end jobs and out of control kids.'