Juggling Act Of Parenting Gifts

You're supposed to read him a bedtime story at HIS bedtime.

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

Apprehensive about leaving the baby with a sitter for the first time, Michelle scales back her romantic dinner with Al.

"Your daughter called—you promised to play phone tag with her today."

'It's all right, I'm just a little behind.'

"When the new employment laws come in parenting is going to be a whole lot easier...."

'Having a family life and juggling two jobs? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?'

The relay race

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

'Work, school, soccer, shopping, aside from the occassional girl's night out, today's Mom doesn't have time to sit picking ticks and fleas.'

Oops.

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'

"It was at this point that our wives left us."

"Amazing how having a six month old baby can motivate you to stay at the office for 16 hours a day!"

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'That's enough Rusty.'

"I used to be a stay-at-home dad. It was great until I had kids."

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

Working Moms

Man emerges from baby changing room, having changed his baby for a crate of beer.

'For me, this is actually an improvement; my wife is home with our octuplets.'

"Now that Ella's turning two, I'd like to transition to being a stay-at-work mom."

Because Daddy loves you, Sweetie, he can always spare a minute and thirty seconds.

"They can't see you right now - would you like a bottle while you're waiting?"