Judicial Jest Fan Gifts

"The jury would like to say that this case was not as juicy as it promised to be."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

TV jester.

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

A baby in court

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

"Someone should have warned you - he doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

"I don't plead."

Disorder in the Court!

"...And now show us what you said."

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"

'From left to right: witchfinder general, jester jocular and spouse peculiar.'

"Guilty times infinity."

'Your honor, the defense would like to buy a vowel!'