Judgment Day Preparer Gifts

Saint Peter reviews a man's sins.

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

That party went well.

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

'Well, son, the justice system depends on finding 12 people who are smart and impartial enough to judge the accused intelligently without malice or favor.'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

Citizens' Jury - 'The jury thinks you should get rid of Citizens' Juries.'

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

"Have't seen this before...I'll need to ask the boss."

Other than a high chair, what qualifies you to sit in judgment? A lethal gavel.

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

Juror crochets hangman's noose.

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

'The good news is I get out of jury duty.'

"Forgive me, Judge, but I've had a convenient loss of memory."

'I win some, I lose some. But I always try and send the jury home in a good mood.'

'Relax, baby, and pay no attention to that old man behind you.'

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

"Your Honor, it would be a hardship for me to sit on a long, non-celebrity trial.

'We the jury find my nephew NOT GUILTY.'

"Before announcing our verdict, we'd like to test it on a focus group."

Extreme Court of the United States

'We find the defendant G-U-I-L-T-Y.'

"I brought out the meekness in others."