Judgment Day Jester Gifts

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'How about a game of cards?'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

Yawning barristers in court

"I say we move on to dessert."

A baby in court

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

Basketball.

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"