Jovial Jukebox Gifts

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Growth Charts

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Complaints Desk

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

Hot Cross Bun

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"Hey! He must be watering down the beer.This is our fifth pint and we're still not talking rubbish."

'Forgettable' - The Hit Musical

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

Planting Bulbs.

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

Mrs. Claus's Annual Joke: 'Whoa...you're not going to work dressed like that, are you?'