Journal Reader Gifts

"Great news from the science journal. They was us to rethink our methodology, but they love our results."

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Reading the sports pages.

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

The Paper Route

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

Highlights for Adults

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

"How do you spell, asteroid?"

"Expedition log #57: Like the rest of the week, I expect today will be another uneventful day."

dog reading EKG

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

"Although your discovery is very important, the consensus is that your article about it lacked suspense, and was completely devoid of humor."

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

"I hope I live long enough to see Bush's view of his legacy come true! I'll be around a long, long, long time!"

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

"Today we will focus on how the author makes the same exact complaints about here life, from her sixth birthday and on."

"I'm just making a few behavioral notes in my journal, then I'll chase him."

A new book with a little bit of this and a little bit of that.