Jonathan Swift Aficionado Gifts

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'

Pete Sampras

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

US National holiday

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

Chris Froome

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

Tea and Sugar Rationing

'I represent the Lilliput High School basketball team.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's "Malaprop Man"! Malaprop man! Where are you going? To a processional footbrawl game! The Tampa Bay Bucketeers and New York Jest are playing. Are you a serious fan? Yeah, I've a sneezin' ticket holder for years! Isn't it early to go to the stadium? We nave a snailgate party in the barking lot. I drill chicken winks and square ribs! Do you get nervous watching your team play? Yes, I'm very dense during the games! And before and aft

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

"He always get emotional when th super bow;'s on and the end of football season is finally here..."

In the days before Newton discovered gravity...

Thoughts of Fall

'Your tests indicate that you have a very short attention span -- you should be either a short-order cook or a news anchorman.'

Kangaroo in a hurry.

New York City, where even snails live at a fast pace!

"Well, then why don't the British just borrow Major Eliot from the Herald Tribune."

"'I hate Taylor Swift'? Way to lose a lot of the young vote."

"I think it was Shakespeare who said 'A meadow that isn't just as lovely from the window of a bullet train isn't lovely at all.'"

"This is on me. I did say take us to your leader."

"Sorry, Kevin, but 'March Madness' is not an official school holiday."

Sadie, you've got a lot of nerve making light of all the concussions suffered by football players. Stow it, meathead. By the way, I heard Eli Manning got a concussion last season. What? What?! Eli? My Honeybunch? He of the NFL's greatest rear?! I won't have it. The league must reform! Awesome. I still have to brain power to tell a provocative lie. Get it together, NFL or face my wrath!

"I didn't know you COULD finish Netflix."

The Trump Monologues

95mph fastball.

Computers with TV - Tv's with the internet

'Put that light out!'

"The irony is I've always considered myself a champion of the little guy."

Oakland Raiders, Al Davis.

Caution: Oversize Human

'I'm not hungry.' - 'How's the fasting going?' - 'Not good. I can't stop thinking about food.' - Why are you looking at me funny?' - 'Oh, this isn't good.'

One must steel themselves for Brobdingnagian magnification.

"That's the last of those we're going to get. British censorship, you know."