Jolly Roger Of Retweets Pillows

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"He has the tweeting skills of a man twice his age."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Complaints Desk

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Are we having fun yet?'

'Just one more and this puppy is headed for another bar.'

Man and bird

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

"That's right, my dad is training for the Pamplona fun-run..."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

'Actually, I'm between reigns right now.'

"When I Say Tweet, You Say Tweet!"

'Call you back. I've got an important tweet coming in.'

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

Ad agency

'Rudolf?'

'Oops! I should've gone to the bathroom before I came.'

'And he thinks he's the most powerful being in the land.'

Men discussing thier weight

A Cartoonist's Pen

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

Unicycle with stabilisers

'What about that Grandpa?'