Tweet Juggler Pillows

'Call you back. I've got an important tweet coming in.'

"Bed Spread"

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Publisher. "The Laws of Motion " is a little dry for a title, Mr. Newton. How about something catchier like "When Push Comes to Shove"?

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

Spam in inbox.

The 3 Musketeers come undone.

The Emeril Isle

Hopkin's for Clinic the Dyslexic

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

'He said he knows the letters but he doesn't know the words.'

Twitter Prison

"Do you have any spaces open in your daycare?"

"The Chairman will be on shortly, I'm just the warm-up guy."

'I wish you wouldn't correct my grammar when you read my diary.'

How's the writer's block?

"You're gonna love this guy's act. He's, like, 'not funny, funny, not funny.'"

"I love my job. It's people laughing at me I can't handle."

A writer writing humour and tragedy at the same time.

"Just because I'm your boss, doesn't mean we can't be friends, loser."

'What? Paint roses - with my back?'

'We don't like to use the word scapegoat.. we prefer to say you're going to be a Blame Engineer.'

'Darling, the blogsitter's here.'

' Pol Meeting'

'You've got your ears shut again, haven't you?'

"I can't wait to try the new spell chekker."

"She's always got her nose in a book."

'Shoot! I lost him alright. Looks like I've got a hole in my pocket.'

"I can't hear you but the banana can."

"Everyone off the internet, I have a meeting to attend."

"Are you O.K.? You're barely paying attention to your book, phone, show, laptop, and the crossword you started ten minutes ago."