Social Media Juggler Pillows

'Darling, the blogsitter's here.'

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

In Tray, Out Tray, and Shredded Paper Tray

"Hello?"

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

"I as a multitasker, which lead to being a multiscreener."

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Facebook/Meta

"For your enjoyment: Please turn off electronic devices, close your eyes, and cover your ears."

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

Mobile

'It's for you.'

That night, Andy attempted to start a Twitter revolution.

'Will this job requirer me to look up from my phone?'

'Call you back. I've got an important tweet coming in.'

'It's great to get back to the simple life,'

You were watching tv on your cellphone while driving, and almost hit an old lady. Guilty. No more multitasking. You are no longer allowed to do two things at once. Okay. Or three things! Death of a loophole.

Ugh, you go ahead – I have five months of emails to catch up on.

"My eyes ache, that's enough zoom meetings and screentime for today."

Trapeze artists.

'I wanted to see which would run out first...battery power or idiots.'

Now on Facebook.

Conducting a blue bird.

"I'll call you back. I'm in the middle of a make-over."

Fake news on social media

My gran's on facebook!

'I just wish I'd learned how to tweet Italian before we came.'

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

"Everyone off the internet, I have a meeting to attend."

"Are you O.K.? You're barely paying attention to your book, phone, show, laptop, and the crossword you started ten minutes ago."

'Got to go...just been lobbed.'