Tweet Juggler Mugs

'Call you back. I've got an important tweet coming in.'

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"Bed Spread"

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

Spam in inbox.

The 3 Musketeers come undone.

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

The Emeril Isle

Hopkin's for Clinic the Dyslexic

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

'He said he knows the letters but he doesn't know the words.'

Twitter Prison

"Do you have any spaces open in your daycare?"

'I wish you wouldn't correct my grammar when you read my diary.'

"You're gonna love this guy's act. He's, like, 'not funny, funny, not funny.'"

How's the writer's block?

A writer writing humour and tragedy at the same time.

"I love my job. It's people laughing at me I can't handle."

"Just because I'm your boss, doesn't mean we can't be friends, loser."

'What? Paint roses - with my back?'

'We don't like to use the word scapegoat.. we prefer to say you're going to be a Blame Engineer.'

'Shoot! I lost him alright. Looks like I've got a hole in my pocket.'

"I can't wait to try the new spell chekker."

'You've got your ears shut again, haven't you?'

' Pol Meeting'

"I can't hear you but the banana can."

"She's always got her nose in a book."

"Everyone off the internet, I have a meeting to attend."

"Are you O.K.? You're barely paying attention to your book, phone, show, laptop, and the crossword you started ten minutes ago."

Wordplay: Intoxicated.