Jolly Jingler Pillows

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

'He's too grumpy for Dad - he must be Grandad!'

Ding dong merrily on us!

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Triangle

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Santa's Helpers

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

Ring those Christmas bells!

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

Elf of the Month

C is for Cracker

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"What was Santa thinking calling me Dancer? I think I have two left feet..."

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'You can't borrow the sleigh tonight- it's Christmas Eve!'

'Wear them on thanksgiving instead.'

Christmas Group Therapy.