Jolly Singer Pillows

'...Tis the season to be grazing, fa la la la la, la la la la. The weight we'll gain will be amazing, fa la la la, la la la la. Don we now our stretchy sweat pants, fa la la la la, la la la la. We'll be eating tons of pecans...'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Merry Christmas"

"How can you expect anyone else to believe in you when you don't believe in yourself?"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Santa's Helpers

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

'Just one more and this puppy is headed for another bar.'

Elf of the Month

"Maybe this year..."

"Tis the season to be jolly!"

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Mall Santa's Anonymous: 'Holidays are always the hardest - especially Christmas.'

"Here he comes! Don't move."

C is for Cracker

Santa School.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

Santa entering a pool for a swim

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

'Wear them on thanksgiving instead.'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'You can't borrow the sleigh tonight- it's Christmas Eve!'

A man seeking truth encounters a clown.

"Listen, everybody feels a little depressed around this time of year!"

Santa Playing the Piano