Jingle Jester Pillows

Christmas Group Therapy.

'I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is Wally fell into the sanding machine. The good news is he's nice and smooth.'

"I need a CPA to help me find the bad ones hiding in tax shelters."

Rudolph, with your nose so... so... ah, nevermind.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

Dog fetching clown shoes.

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

Women in a cross country race

"Wheeeeeeee!"

Tennis ball girl.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

Crow and fox

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

George Martin

"I hate open-mike night."

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

"I'd better get going. I've got a lot coming at me right now."

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

'My Dad will like you. He's the care-taker at the monkey house in the zoo.'

'And before we start, Higgins, I'd like to remind you that this is not a laughing matter.'

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

'The mysteries of hyena laughter deciphered.'

"Frankly, I don't really want him to improve: he scares the predators away..."

Ring those Christmas bells!

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

Show Jumping Tantrums

Several of the med students had been cheerleaders when they were undergrads.

"May I ask you, sir, if our little jingle on TV had anything to do with your decision to take along the missus?"

'With this offer you get high speed internet, satellite TV and a new message tapping log for just $99.95 a month.'