Jokingly Unwell Gifts

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"You have ice water in your veins."

The New Age Dentist.

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

"It's cooties."

Portaloo Tidal Wave.

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

IV Bags: Main and Afters

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

'What's the problem?'

"Freeze!"

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."

'Perhaps I should clarify. When I told you to drink plenty of fluids...'

'The nurse tells me you haven't been swallowing your pills.' (Doctor has harpoon).

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

'My anti-distraction program isn't very high-tech, but it works.'

"Get Whale Soon!"