Jokesters About Life’s Pressures Gifts

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Thanks for the worm, but I almost got this stupid hook stuck in my mouth.'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

The little rascal! He knows we're watching him and that he's safe next to his warren, so he's mooning us!

"It was worth a try."