Jokesters About Life Gifts

'If you're bored do some writing.You could start by writing your will.'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'I see you're not wearing clean underpants.'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

"Oh goodie, pigs in a blanket."

"It was worth a try."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'