Jokester About Economic Woes Gifts

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

Luck of the IRS.

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

'Think about it: There were over three million of us co-owning this ant-hill, so we only got a few cents each...'

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

Ace Novelties

"They call the dollar stable and you know what's in the stable."

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

Clean underwear for sale.

'Here's a twenty. Go nuts.'

Department of Commerce, Economic Forecasting, Division of Estimates & Alibis

"With these electricity prices we can't afford cooking anymore. Imagine eating sausage-favored popsicles."

'You have stock market fever.'

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

"My advice, don't marry for money. You can borrow it for 3.5%."

'You used to be an investment consultant, Fred -- what should I do with this quarter I found?'

"Why don't you just apply for a government bailout, Daddy?"

'Ugh! Savings sprees are so dull.'

In the current economy, I'm afraid I'm going to have to reduce the size of your allowance, Axel. You haven't given me any money in eons. I meant the size of your IOUs.

'What have we got to lose? She says she'll turn every toxic asset in Britain into 12 year old malt Scotch.'

"I understand that you cannot support the whole economy, minister. I would be perfectly happy for you to support me!"

"With the downturn in your housing market Earth Scum! We would like to buy your planet!"