Economy Jokester Gifts

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'How are you at takeovers?'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

"I have your evaluation...great teamwork, great morale...basically, you're a good dog."

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

"The most important feature of economic predictions is trying not to laugh while making them."

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

"The GOOD news is that customers complaints are down, the BAD news is that we've got no customers."

'Would you believe that I lost my job just because the banking regulatory authority said that I'm too greedy??!'

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

'I'm worried - she insisted on closing every one of her accounts while she waited...'

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

Got anything for the small investor?

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

"They call the dollar stable and you know what's in the stable."

"Pearson is known for his austere monetary views."

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

'Here's a twenty. Go nuts.'

'I'm sorry, honey, but your dog Scraps has gone on to a better place now. I sold him to that family across the road with an inground pool.'

Department of Commerce, Economic Forecasting, Division of Estimates & Alibis