Jokester About School Gifts

'And this year's perfect attendance award goes to Sidney Baker... Sidney?... Sidney?...'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

"I'm sorry. I don't have yours. My dog ate your homework."

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"... And don't come back until you're ready to get funny."

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

'Hard or soft science?'

'The dog won't eat my homework.'

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

Teacher's pet dog

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

"No, Bobby, I won't put you on my do not call list."

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'

"You are here, but you should be in class!"

'My principal wants to see you about my principles.'

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

"I thought SAT was 'Smart Alec Teacher'!"