Jokester About Paths Gifts

-Last again! -I had to stay behind the others because I didn't know the way!

Airport Security.

"Do you think the birds like me?"

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

"I hate this time of year."

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Gardener digging and finding pipes.

Farts.

'Do you think anyone will notice my funny hat shaped like a fish?'

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

'He's not here.He's out on a sting operation.'

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

"Oh goodie, pigs in a blanket."

"People are way too casual when they fly these days."

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

Speed enforced by really slow walkers.

Man shouting 'timberrrr!'

Customs caution: rabid tarantulas with AIDS inside

'Saint Francis changes his mind about animals'

Excess Baggage: Never let your wife pack for your business trip while she is mad at you.

Doctor Jekyll. Whenever I get stuck formulating my potion, I go jogging. You can run, but you can't Hyde!

Unfortunately what happens in the cow's digestional tract doesn't stay in the cow's digestional tract!

"Attention. This is your captain screaming!"

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."