Jokes On Gamblers Pillows

Mugger reads book named 'Beat the bookie'.

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

'Think about it: There were over three million of us co-owning this ant-hill, so we only got a few cents each...'

'The cat does like having something to scratch.'

'Well, Dad said he'd take me to the zoo, but the only animals were horses running around a track!'

Wedding Coin Tosser

"No, it's not some new wearable tech."

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"

The Las Vegas Oddsmakers

"How long have you been wasting our money on lottery tickets?"

'I'm not sure, but I think illegal gambling is when you WIN.'

'It's a fight between me and the world,' - 'I'll have a twenty on the world,'

'I think my parents are feeling the pinch of college tuition. They're talking about return on investment.'

'No presents, children, because know it all Santa lost all the money on 'Christmas Cracker' in the 2.30 at Haydock.'

Billy strip: dad doesn't get to shuffle the horses.

'I like being last in line. That way, I'm the last fool to part with his money.'

Fruit machine...

"Your room has been comped."

"I didn't stop when the fun stopped."

'Excuse me, but do you have any 'Play in one more poker tournament and you're a dead man' cards?'

Clancy: Women and Horse-Racing

'I had a bad day at the bookies-and you?'

'it wasn't a trap when he first started trying to hit the ball!'

"100 to 1 I don't last the course!"

'I'll bet you fifty dollars that you can't stop gambling.'