Joker About Aging Pillows

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

E=Emcee Squared

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"It makes you look old."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

Jim's Smart Kettle

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

Mr Kettleband's humour was described as unique.

'At least you still think I'm great, don't you, boy?'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"And did you pack this bag yourself, sir?"

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

"I'm afraid you're developing Guac-loma in

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

'Honestly, I leave you alone for just a couple of minutes...'

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

Breathe-aholics Anonymous: 'Hi, my name is Glen, and I've been clean and sober for over one minute.'

All You Can Eat: Senior Special

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"

"Laugh and call me names, will they!"

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"