Joked-up Job Enthusiast Gifts

'This wall so thin you can almost see through it!' 'That's a window.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

The world's most unemployable family

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'The boss said things have to improve or my job is going to run out of minutes.'

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

'He finds it easier to fire people this way.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

"It's face painting Friday."

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

"I like my job. It keeps me alive."

'And what do you do for a living Gary?' 'I'm a Puppeteer.'

'What training do I get?'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

"I find it admirable that you're so honest about your flaws in your resume. This has just saved the both of us a lot of time."

"Sorry, but your good references don't match the passion of your bad ones."

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

"...I think you might be great for our management position."

'What have you been saying to him? He wants to be a careers master.'

'Can you do shorthand?' - 'I don't know, I've never tried.'

"…and don't let your cash buyout, stock options and lifetime medical benefits hit you in the button the way out."

Bob was apprehensive about his new job, but excited about the new directions it coudl take him in...

'I'm looking over your resum?, there is one opening we have for you.'

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."