Joke Killers Pillows

"But I don't know any Nickys! And I don't open the door for strangers."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Photobooth Photobomb

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"How can you cross the road so decisively? I have to stop halfway across every time to rethink it."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'They want your underwear.'

Monkey Pee/Monkey Poo.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Albert Einstein Tells A Joke. . .

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Primate Speech Institute. He's learned to talk, but all he'll talk about is the price of bananas.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"If this means we're married the future looks gnarly."

'Tax man practical joker sticks sign on colleague's back which reads; Tax me.'