Joke Destroyers Pillows

"But I don't know any Nickys! And I don't open the door for strangers."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Bed Spread"

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Lesbians for Christ

Giggle.

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

How To Spot A Politician

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Thanks for the worm, but I almost got this stupid hook stuck in my mouth.'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

"I told you not to hand in that evaluation form until after we'd docked!"

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

"The Chairman will be on shortly, I'm just the warm-up guy."

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

Robot porn.