Junior Jokesters Pillows

'Wanna come out and play?'

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Gravity...Go figure!'

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Growth Charts

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

'Tax man practical joker sticks sign on colleague's back which reads; Tax me.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.