Joke Distributor Pillows

How To Spot A Politician

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

The Rooster Comedian.

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Shampoo.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

How about going easy on the carbs

Suffering from Cooties?

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

Useless add-ons.

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

It's estimated that millions of trees are planted by forgetful squirrels.

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

Irritable trowel syndrome.

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'But this is fantastic, professor! It's like no language I've ever seen before!'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"