Joke Shop Owner Pillows

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

'How are you at takeovers?'

'Always the wise guy.'

How To Spot A Politician

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

"I have your evaluation...great teamwork, great morale...basically, you're a good dog."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

"I know you're thinking it. Don't say it!"

Toilet Humour: 'Did you hear about the constipated human?'

'Can, you hear me?'

"The GOOD news is that customers complaints are down, the BAD news is that we've got no customers."

'Of course my wife understands me-that's why she's divorcing me!'

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

"First caller is Rudolph, from the North Pole, you're on Rudolph. What's your problem?!. . . And before you speak, lt me just remind everyone that I spent ten years as a detective specializing in tracking down prank callers and mercilessly destroying their self-esteem."

"You'll like my mate - he's a scream..!"

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

"Your early stuff was funnier."