Store Owner Humor Pillows

"It's not as good a deal as it sounds - it's based on THEIR lifetime."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Cut Price

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

'Don't worry. I'm not charging you for the extra lettering.'

"It was a mom-and-pop, but we inherited it."

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

'Uh-oh.'

'The butler did it.'

It's an I-O-Ewe.

"You never know what will catch on!"

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

Bob tries to cash in on Hollywood's success.

'Oops! Does this mean I'm next in line for CEO, Dad?'

Joan of Arch

Temporarily closed to rethink our concept.

'Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in it.'

"Remember, as employees here at Auto y Rod Inc., I expect you to set a good example!"

You're not selling those silly upside-down tomato contraptions? I confess. They're fun! Fun? They're an affront to mother nature and common sense. A $3 seed packet grows enough for five families. Why sell over-priced fads? Mother nature never offered to pay my rent.

History's First Prop Gag

Free Range / Deranged

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"Hey - aren't you the owner of the store?"

Self-Outsourced

Nautical Antiques: We Catch Your Drift

"I'm sorry you've got a sudden craving for nachos, Mrs. Hacksburry, but I really don't want to open the store right now!"

"Oh. The store is closed?"

"Mr. Rod, are we getting a bonus this year?"

John's Laser Shop and Eye Patches 4 U Shops

"See? You don't need fancy window displays to attract attention...just get some police tape!"

'I've made him a silent partner!'

"That's right. We're open 24 hours a week."

'Sox, man, SOX!'

"Too soon?"