Homeowner Humor Pillows

"Sure, like I would break into my own house...to steal stuff!"

"They foreclosed on our home equity loan."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

Pest Control

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

A cock up of builders

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

Wallpapering 4

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

CartoonStock Upload

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

"Maybe Dracula wasn't the best one to try this new detergent."

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

'That must be the termite inspector.'

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

Affordable housing

Catchment Area for Teachers

'Due to a slight technical mistake, I sold your house to me for £2.50.'