Homeowner Humor Pillows

"Sure, like I would break into my own house...to steal stuff!"

"They foreclosed on our home equity loan."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Pest Control

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

A cock up of builders

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

How to Build a Bungalow

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

Wallpapering 4

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

CartoonStock Upload

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

Affordable housing

'That must be the termite inspector.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

"Maybe Dracula wasn't the best one to try this new detergent."

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'